Mar 09 2011

THE SUICIDAL BUM The Suicidal Bum.  Why did the bum cross the road… even when the big red hand reminded him that it’s not the most opportune time?  We would all assume to collect a big fat insurance check, but not with the Suicidal Bum.  This suspicion was verified as we heard him mumble, “hit me, I don’t care, I’m done.”  With his “I’ve seen it all, and I’m ready to go” attitude, we still feel morally obligated to tell this bum that although the vest he possesses in his hand may in fact be bulletproof, we are fairly confident that it is NOT van proof.

THE SUICIDAL BUM

The Suicidal Bum.  Why did the bum cross the road… even when the big red hand reminded him that it’s not the most opportune time?  We would all assume to collect a big fat insurance check, but not with the Suicidal Bum.  This suspicion was verified as we heard him mumble, “hit me, I don’t care, I’m done.”  With his “I’ve seen it all, and I’m ready to go” attitude, we still feel morally obligated to tell this bum that although the vest he possesses in his hand may in fact be bulletproof, we are fairly confident that it is NOT van proof.


Feb 21 2011

THE VOLUNTARY WASTE MANAGEMENT BUM The Voluntary Waste Management Bum.  Now which one of these men do you believe receives a paycheck?  Our amigo in the back, who’s wearing gloves and proper waste management attire complete with an official patch located on his left bicep; or our pal up front, who we see dressed in blue jeans and a tattered wife beater, pawing his way through filth and societal decay with a bare hand?  We choose the latter.  The Voluntary Waste Management Bum definitely takes the phrase “hand me downs” to a whole new bum style level.  With his “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” attitude, we can only hope that some day soon he will dig himself out of bum society and into a more sanitary lifestyle atop a large mound of success.

THE VOLUNTARY WASTE MANAGEMENT BUM

The Voluntary Waste Management Bum.  Now which one of these men do you believe receives a paycheck?  Our amigo in the back, who’s wearing gloves and proper waste management attire complete with an official patch located on his left bicep; or our pal up front, who we see dressed in blue jeans and a tattered wife beater, pawing his way through filth and societal decay with a bare hand?  We choose the latter.  The Voluntary Waste Management Bum definitely takes the phrase “hand me downs” to a whole new bum style level.  With his “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” attitude, we can only hope that some day soon he will dig himself out of bum society and into a more sanitary lifestyle atop a large mound of success.


Feb 17 2011

THE I GOT DIBS ON TOP BUM The I Got Dibs On Top Bum.  Although the bumliness of the man on the bottom level is still in question, we can guarantee that the resident of the upper deck is well known in the bum community.  The I Got Dibs On Top Bum is undoubtedly the black sheep of his original non bum family.  With his “I’m always on top” attitude, we hope he hits the pinnacle of the financial food chain.  Also, we pray he scrapes together enough bum change in time for his next meal, otherwise his lower bunk mate may awake to find man’s best friend turned into a delicious chinese bum dinner.

THE I GOT DIBS ON TOP BUM

The I Got Dibs On Top Bum.  Although the bumliness of the man on the bottom level is still in question, we can guarantee that the resident of the upper deck is well known in the bum community.  The I Got Dibs On Top Bum is undoubtedly the black sheep of his original non bum family.  With his “I’m always on top” attitude, we hope he hits the pinnacle of the financial food chain.  Also, we pray he scrapes together enough bum change in time for his next meal, otherwise his lower bunk mate may awake to find man’s best friend turned into a delicious chinese bum dinner.


Feb 16 2011

THE BUTTER FACE BUM The Butter Face Bum.  Break us off a piece of that!  We can’t imagine who would let go of this beauty queen?  Ok, so we lied… the rest of her wasn’t exactly aesthetically pleasing, but compared to this homely mug, that body was smokin’!  With her “my looks can definitely kill” attitude, we are quite certain she will have no problem grillin’ her way to success.  On a side note, ew.

THE BUTTER FACE BUM

The Butter Face Bum.  Break us off a piece of that!  We can’t imagine who would let go of this beauty queen?  Ok, so we lied… the rest of her wasn’t exactly aesthetically pleasing, but compared to this homely mug, that body was smokin’!  With her “my looks can definitely kill” attitude, we are quite certain she will have no problem grillin’ her way to success.  On a side note, ew.


Feb 15 2011

THE BUM C. HAMMER The Bum C. Hammer.  STOP! …Shower Time!  Bankruptcy has never been so beautiful.  Don’t be fooled by his space suit; this is not an astronaut.  It is indeed a performing bum artist.  He is multi-talented, mastering the sock puppet as well as what’s known in the bum community as the “donation jar shake.”  We look on as the Bum C. Hammer spends the day jamming out to his bumbox, which is just inches away from his apartment/studio.  With his “too legit to quit” attitude, we are confident that this bum’s big break is right around the corner and will parachute him into fame and new found bum fortune!

THE BUM C. HAMMER

The Bum C. Hammer.  STOP! …Shower Time!  Bankruptcy has never been so beautiful.  Don’t be fooled by his space suit; this is not an astronaut.  It is indeed a performing bum artist.  He is multi-talented, mastering the sock puppet as well as what’s known in the bum community as the “donation jar shake.”  We look on as the Bum C. Hammer spends the day jamming out to his bumbox, which is just inches away from his apartment/studio.  With his “too legit to quit” attitude, we are confident that this bum’s big break is right around the corner and will parachute him into fame and new found bum fortune!


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